Birth ----- Death

I have this fear in me - Baby kai is suffocating while i'm resting and when i'm awake...he's gone! I'm still trying to 'let go' of the fear and trusting God to know what HE's doing!

I remembered i often jumped out of bed in the middle of night running beside the bassinet to check if kai is breathing; seeing his chest moving up & down bring me comfort...and i can go back to bed & rest (for a short while)!

Life is so fragile and no one really knows how many days a person will see on this earth (EXCEPT GOD)! Today we are living somewhere in the dash between birth and death.

It makes me think what have i done in the dash...Am i ready to meet God? Will i be ashamed to stand before HIM? Have i make the best of all the opportunities that God has given me? Have i changed for the better?

i dun think i'm ready at all.

I'm still living in the "if only..." and "I will serve Him after..."; i'm still contesting with all my struggles!!!

what's my point? hmmn...dun know! oh well...

.